Tag Archives: anxiety

A Long Ago Scent

I recently

bought a new soap

for the shower

that I used for years in my late teens

and into my early twenties

So, of course,

immediately it called to mind

when I was young and unhappy

But not so complacent

When my dreams were dense

I was barely able to carry them around

like the free weights that come at the end of the shelf.

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My anxiety and I go home

Last week when I went back to New York

after a very long time

I was good

I saw my friends and their new babies

my face birthed stupid, wonderful grins

I made apologies for not going to weddings

and meant them

I went to places that made me uncomfortable

I didn’t fake a single stomach ache 

I rarely lied

I spoke to my brother, and it felt normal.

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screw it

I’m not going to the US Open

a tennis racket in flight

can kill a lot of brain cells

but so can 6 hours in front of the computer

I’m guessing on that one

I should ask my internal medicine guy

Maybe while I’m there

he can give me a referral for that mole on my shoulder

the one with the discoloration

it’s bothering me more than the migraines

but less than the ripped callous

okay those three and

that odd discomfort in my small intestine

yes definitely the small intestine thing

wait is that even my small intestine?

I should google it

maybe I should mention my googling

I need to prioritize

the man has other patients

Oh shit!

What if he’s really backed up on the day I make an appointment?

and I contract some kind of rare strain of the flu

from sitting in the waiting room

I just know I will

like the one that killed Gwyneth Paltrow in that movie

what movie was that again?


NO, that was something else

Damn I sure have been forgetting more than I used to

hopefully it’s not early Alzheimers

grandpa Henry had it

come to think of it

Okay, I’m going to call to make an appointment right away.

right after I google that small intestine thing.

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